Well, here it is…my first blog from the other chair. Over the years, I’ve had lots of my own experiences with TIR which I share about in bits and pieces on social media, and in speaking engagements. I’ve always liked sharing my own stories, and have been told by my friends and family that I’m good at story telling. In this blog my purpose for writing is two fold. One- I’ve never actually been one to journal so I’m stepping into that to give it a try. It came in to my awareness to follow this bit of my healing journey by documenting my experience and … Two, I’ve always been one to share my experience, my intention for sharing this part of my journey is to strengthen hope for others. I’ll be updating here, as I continue with my sessions….you are getting the updates as I go, in as real time as I can swing.

I consider my own inner work to be my most important work- the work I do to learn more about me, just as your most important work is the work you do on you! 

I’m currently working on an incident where I fell in Mexico, ending up with a concussion.  I’ve had some lasting side effects for over two years; bending has been an issue in my world in a big way since the fall.

Now, I work in trauma every day.  I realized I had emotional charge on the topic of this concussion.  The tears kept showing up. I hate to admit it, but although trauma work is my jam and I knew that I couldn’t talk about this fall without tears, I hadn’t actually thought to work on it as a topic using TIR until now.  Almost two and a half years after the incident, I am beginning processing through this.  I’m ready.  I’m inviting you to come along, if you wish, as I share about my experiences from the other chair.

See you in session!

Oh wait…. see you in the car, first!

Friday, August 14, 2020

It’s a Friday night and I’m heading to the city with my husband Michael to watch a friend play on a patio.  We haven’t been out in months, it’s 2020 after all.

We are in the car driving up to the city, chatting away about life.  All is well, until it isn’t.  We have made our way out of the county and the lights of the city start to make me feel all spinning and dizzy, so I tilt my seat back and close my eyes.  I can feel the tears in my throat.  I’m not the same as I used to be.  I’m embarrassed and I now am beginning to feel apprehensive about what’s to come.  Lights and noise are not something my brain seems to like anymore.   

As I’m laying there my husband starts his narrative “can you please make a doctors appointment?”  Trigger #2.  Doctors.

I don’t even know why at this point, but I can see my attitude is that I hate doctors, they are useless for me, and medications don’t work.  This is never a fun convo with hubs as doctors saved his life, a couple times.  We generally just agree to disagree on the topic.  I can feel the charge in my body, mainly anger it seems whenever the topic comes up.  Anger, and tears.

Now, here we are in the car on our first date since the pandemic started almost 6 months ago and I’m feeling sick from the busy city and mad at doctors;  tears streaming down my face and no Kleenex to be had. Not exactly what I had hoped for, but nonetheless I was there in that moment. Activated.   I felt that anger and allowed the tears for awhile, and we arrive at the Tea Emporium.  

I pull it together for the time being before we go get our tea and sit down at a table for 2 to listen to Bob.  As we are sitting there, Michael checks in to see if I’m okay.  Loud noise is also a trigger for me, but I’m good and the noise level on the patio is not too loud for me.  The breeze is nice, and it’s so fun to be watching and listening to Bob in his element.  The iced blueberry matcha is delicious and my date is singing along.  

In this moment, I’m okay.  

Session One - Monday August 24, 2020

I cried basically non stop for an hour and 45 minutes.  

My facilitator asked me one question “concerning the concussion has anything been suppressed”

I am so thankful I always get to choose the wording in sessions.  THE concussion.  I definitely didn’t want to call it mine in any way.  It’s not mine, it’s just with me right now.  

Has anything been suppressed. hahahaha clearly, I hear the word concussion and my eyes start leaking. Further that, if I said all the things I want to say to all the well intending people with all the advice (advice= add a vice) I’d likely be friendless. Lots has been suppressed. And out it comes, with that magical question.  The tears just wouldn’t let up, I could hardly talk.  

I noticed myself saying several times “I’m just not the same”  There is so much charge on all the things that I’ve had to, or chosen to adapt to and accommodate, like bending, using my toes to pick up paper clips that seem to always fall and laugh at me.  It makes me feel weird.  I am not one to just roll over, so I keep trying and finding new ways to manage the symptoms.

In this session, I’m hearing and feeling my anger at the doctors, my attitudes of how useless they are to me keep coming up.  I am circling back and forth between my chronic ear pain that the doctor has never been able to “help” with, and the concussion.  The neurologists who “did nothing”, the doctor in Mexico who was more concerned about rubbing and touching my butt.  I remember laying on that table, scared I was going to die in Mexico and wondering why is he touching my butt, it’s my head I whacked.   I was also wondering why I never kept up with the Rosetta Stone spanish edition. What the heck was he saying anyways? And the needle in his hand…NO way was I taking that. I managed to get up off that table as fast as I could. Gracias moi bueno.

The pain in my head was intense as I went through this unblocking process, I could feel the pressure.  The same pressure I felt in that plane on the way home from Mexico.  That intense feeling where I wanted to jump off the plane.  I remember sitting in that plane wondering what would happen if my head actually exploded, like it felt it was going to.  Only I wasn’t on the plane now, I was in session, in the other chair.  

Gosh, I love both chairs when it comes to my work.  I went on to talk about how it is hard to get places and realize there are flashing lights, or loud music; to never know what will trigger me, since flashing lights end up being in many places that I never noticed before the concussion.  I went on to talk and feel my feelings about other peoples comments like “football players get lots of concussions and heal faster” or they give unsolicited advice or suggestions to see this or that doctor.   

At the end of my session I felt such a strong feeling of release.  I felt heard, for the first time about this concussion.  My facilitator wasn’t suggesting I do anything, he was just allowing me to be.  Listening to me get out what’s been suppressed.  It felt amazing, like it always does, to just share without evaluation, judgement or interpretation from him.  The pressure at the end of this session eased up leaving just a mild headache and me feeling way lighter, with the realization that all that emotion I got out of suppression might have some to do with my inability to heal.

I spent a little while in judgement of self for not seeing this possibility sooner, and released that too. Telling you is a big step for me. I’m not perfect, and I won’t pretend to be. I have my own stories, traumas and experiences and although I do lots of work, sometimes I choose to cope and work my toe muscles until I’m ready. When the student is ready, the teacher appears. This time the teacher is my facilitator, and all he wants to do is listen to what has been suppressed. See you in session!

Oh wait…. see you at a family get together.

Saturday, August 29, 2020

Here it is, my first experience with my cousins in two years. Has anyone ever noticed how often little ones drop things, like soothers and toys? I had definitely not noticed this since the concussion but here I am with my little cousins. Who wants a soother that I picked up with my feet? Right, no one!

I found myself telling my cousins and my aunt about the concussion, what its meant for me, how it has affected me and what the life experience has been like. I let them see me dizzy without feeling the need to explain, without feeling embarrassed. I realized the things that typically make me cry were not activating me. It was new. I am amazed. Bocce ball can be fun when you let it be, and allow others to pick up your ball and pass it to you when need be.

See you in session. xo

Session Two - Monday, August 31, 2020

I’m back in the other chair.  Oh how I love this chair, where I get to look at my life experiences in a safe space.  I know when I’m in this chair my facilitator won’t ever leave me until I am in a somewhat better place.  

This session was amazing!  

I found myself back looking at myself almost a decade ago.  Back in this time in my life I was going through a severe allergic reaction to artificial sweetener.  (Yuk!) 

Oh boy, I see the neurologist.  I see all the middle of the night appointments, where they ran me through tests and machines.  I see the doctor, he always seemed to be asking me what I saw as useless questions.  Man, doc- I’ve told you at least 25 times I do not drink diet pop.  Does he have memory problems?  Maybe the neurologist wants to check this guy out while he’s at it.  

I can see and feel the embarrassment I felt all the time in this experience.  I wasn’t the same.  I wasn’t able to do lots of things for myself during this time.  My mom would get the groceries, it was an awful time in my world.  

During this time, the gym was out of the question.  My legs, arms and face felt numb and walking was a challenge.  I was always dizzy, and I felt weird.  Not like myself.  Lots of the things I loved were hard to do.  

The flood gates opened again as I recalled being in the grocery store.  I refused to just “roll over” and so forced myself to go. I wasn’t ready for this outing but it made me feel like me.  Until it didn’t.  I couldn’t grasp the lettuce and when I made it to the checkout I dropped the iced tea trying to maneuver it onto the belt.  The case broke and the iced tea rolled all over the floor.  I was so embarrassed I wanted to tumble away with the cans.  I remembered Deb, the nicest cashier I’ve ever known, came around to help me, and the grocery guy Rob went above and beyond for me.  So kind, and so embarrassing.  I definitely didn’t feel like me.  

Then I see myself on the phone with my friend, Doug.  He’s telling me to check all of my food for artificial sweeteners.  He has a list of names to look for the size of my numb arm.  Oh my gosh.  Is this why the doctor keeps asking me about diet pop.  Light bulb is on now.  Can I make it to the kitchen?

Turned out, I had artificial sweetener poisoning, and not from diet pop. Gum, yogurt, jam- they sneak that stuff in lots of things. Thank you Doug.  Who needs a doctor anyways?  Not me. 

I sat there in my safe chair, amazed at the similarities in both of these incidents.  Wow.  How had I not ever thought of this before?  Again, I felt I had accomplished something huge.  Let’s leave this session there for today.  

See you next time from the other chair.  I’m excited for my next session.  

Monday, September 7, 2020

What a weekend! I’ve had a couple experiences this weekend that I consider to be part of the processing from my TIR sessions. I was invited to a dinner party over the weekend. Iced tea was one of the options offered, when asked what I wanted to drink. I LOVE iced tea. If you recall, last week in session I gathered some insight as to the similarities between “the concussion” and “the artificial sweetener poisoning” as far as my unwanted feelings, emotions, sensations, attitudes and pains go. These incidents have baskets full of unwanted similarities. Now, generally when someone gives me the option to have iced tea I instantly become embarrassed. I always want it, however I do not want to have the conversation that I need to have surrounding iced tea to be sure I am safe to drink it. I resist talking about my allergy. I drink a lot of water in public, it is always a safe option. I resist the embarrassment that I feel within my body when the topic presents. This weekend, something was different. Iced tea was offered, and instead of feeling embarrassed, I communicated my allergy and asked for the brand of iced tea. I know the ones I can have and the ones to stay away from like the back of my hand. It was one I could have. I then see another brand of iced tea come out of the fridge. Immediate panic sets in. Instead of crying, or feeling unheard I choose another way- communicate my needs again. It may seem small to others, but I knew I was making progress in my sessions. My body knew it too.

I also noticed something really exciting- I noticed myself not as dizzy during weekly cleaning this weekend as I typically am. I believe my body is releasing the stored pain from this trauma of the concussion.

See you tomorrow, from the other chair.

Session Three - Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Another morning of releasing charge in my session from the other chair. Concerning the concussion …..

In this session, I had a lot to say about unsolicited advice, and carefulness. How much I’ve never been a fan of advice, interpretation and other people pretending to be the expert on me. I know this is why TIR resonated with me from day one. I come up with my own answers, the answers are all inside of me and TIR helps me locate them. I talked about how I’m careful, how other people who know me are careful concerning the concussion.

And then, I start to wonder. How is all this carefulness affecting me? I’m crying, touching right on the emotional charge that is coming from all of this carefulness concerning the concussion. I’m careful of wet surfaces, careful of other peoples opinions and unsolicited advice. Careful, careful, careful. I’m feeling like a neon flashing light of caution, with a lump in my throat the size of a golf ball. I’m back in experiences when I felt others weren’t being careful concerning me, and the concussion. I’m back in the spaces and places when others were telling me their opinions and giving me advice, instead of getting curious about my pain. I have this go to phrase “You do you, I’ll do me” (I’ll file this under attitude for later possible exploration, I’m not sure at this point if this is an unwanted attitude ) Then I become aware of just how hard it is to “do me” when others are “doing them” I’m the only one who really knows what I even need or choose to be careful of. I realize all I can do is communicate my needs so I can safely “do me” while they are “doing them” It is much more effective to communicate my needs, then it is to spend life just being careful all the time. I realize if I am resisting something like speaking up for my needs because of the possibility of embarrassment, it’ll be a lot harder for anyone else to understand me. It is my life experience. When someone else pretends to know what is best for me, they are working from their experience, not mine. I go on to explain to my facilitator that even if another person and I were holding hands at that resort in mexico, and took a slip in the exact same puddle, at the exact same time, and hit the exact same marble floor, then proceeded to see the exact same doctors ….our experience would not be exactly the same. It would, in fact, be very different.

I’m again reminded why I love TIR so much, from both chairs. It’s not often that we are explicitly listened to, without advice, judgement or interpretation. In session I can just “do me”. Be me. Release the charge that is held within me. I appreciate that gift that being in the other chair is for me. I also appreciate the fact that my head feels so much clearer after session, I’m ordering my thoughts and getting less and less dizzy as I go.

Sunday, September 12, 2020

It is cleaning day at the Elias’ home and I only felt dizzy once. It is being made clear that my body is eliminating pain from the concussion. This makes me excited!

Monday, September 13, 2020

The home my family and I live in was a custom build, designed by me. 3 years ago when we moved in to our home I wasn’t suffering from concussion side effects. I did stairs for fun in the early morning before the gym opened outside. I’d convince my friends to run up and down a large set of church stairs with me for exercise. Not once did the thought of having a home with two full flights of stairs seem like a concern of mine. I was fit, stairs were my friend. When you are suffering from concussion side effects, stairs can pose a problem, and to me they are a constant risk of danger. My home has a lot of stairs. What was I thinking has crossed my mind several million times since the concussion.

I had some time today. I have not carried my own laundry up or down the stairs in my home for 2 years and 7 months. Folding laundry has been a pain, partially because of the stairs and partially because of the bending to get clothes out of the dryer and then carrying it all. Most of the time someone else does the task. I am quite talented at picking up socks that fall with my toes but nonetheless, I get frustrated by the everyday task. Today, I folded 3 loads with the basket on the floor before realizing that I was bending down to collect each article of clothing. I then carried the first basket up a flight of stairs to the main floor.

I was NOT DIZZY once!! I am amazed at how my body is responding by eliminating pain. I feel like I am getting some of my life back. Being able to do this task makes me feel more like the old me.

See you tomorrow in session!

Session Four- September 15, 2020

I couldn’t wait for more time in the other chair today. As I began telling my facilitator about the recent good news in respect to bending and feeling more like myself, I heard myself say “my life is improving”

I’m beginning to notice some similarities that are leading me on a path that I don’t understand fully yet. I am being pulled to view scenarios about how my brain works. I am an outside of the box thinker, and very creative in my approaches in business and my life. I’m certain that this “how my brain works stuff” keeps coming up concerning the concussion since a concussion is also brain related. Either way, there is something there that requires some further processing. I’ll keep you posted in the coming weeks- something is bound to uncover itself in my sessions.

Today, I am thankful to no longer be resisting when it comes to the concussion. Resisting was a lot of work. What we resist, persists. I understand all of this cognitively and can fully explain it to my clients and yet seeing all the ways resisting the unwanted feelings and emotions as well as all the resisting I was doing by not talking about it was not a kindness to me or to my body. I wasn’t healing because of the emotional resistance. I know that to be true. I can feel it deep in my core, that the resistance was a barrier. I concealed as much of the incident, as much of the concussion as I could. I tried to keep it concealed at all times. I sat with what it felt like when the topic of the concussion would come out of hiding to be felt. I talked about how unless triggered, it was concealed.

The concussion is no longer concealed, and it feels so much better, so much lighter and I understand my experience so much more than I did just 4 short weeks ago. I’m feeling more free when it comes to the topic of the concussion. Today, I wasn’t feeling charge, I wasn’t crying, or feeling all the yuck I had been feeling. I am feeling more empowered over my own healing surrounding the concussion, and I am choosing to not resist anything when it comes up. I am beginning to feel more complete on this topic, minus the “how my brain works stuff” so we will see where that leads. This week, I’ve made the decision to be extra mindful of what I am resisting in other areas of life. This means making some extra time for me to BE with myself, and more time in meditation, which I love. TIR helps put order into my thoughts and meditation helps. There are a couple guided meditations here on my website under the meditation tab, if you are interested.

Love you guys! Thank you for being here!

xo, Amie

Session Five- Monday, September 21, 2020

I’m back in the other chair this evening, after a week of realizations and mindful awareness of just how many work arounds that had become my new normal since the concussion. This past week I’ve realized how many things I no longer thought of that I had just adapted to and now did differently since the fall. I was catching myself all week in these instances, and then trying another way. My old way. My pre-concussion way. I bent down to pet Charlie, a dog we see out on our morning walks. And caught myself running up and down the stairs, without holding on to the railing. I even took the steps on our morning outdoor walk. My gentle facilitator asks me “concerning the concussion has there been caution about anything?” I realize how much caution there WAS, and how I’m proceeding with less and less caution all the time in the past weeks. Again, it is clear to me that my body is healing. I bumped in to some heavy charge tonight on how my brain works again and that is starting to make sense to me. I’m not there yet but I’ll keep sharing as my sessions unfold more about me. For now… I’m going to enjoy the things I can do again. See you soon from the other chair. xo

Saturday, September 26, 2020

Today is my friends birthday! He’s been doing so well with his healing process that he was moved to transition housing - the next step in his addiction rehab program. These are the gifts I get to witness working in trauma and addiction. Watching people uncover the true essence of themselves is such a joy! As I pull in to the driveway, excited for a day of fun, I have my next surprise, John excitedly invited me in to see his new place, I’m so happy for him! It’s so rewarding to watch him! As I was walking down the stairs to leave I realized that the railing wasn’t affixed as they are working on the stairs. I know prior to working on the concussion, I would have panicked. I also would have been super concerned about the possibility of falling, getting dizzy or losing balance. It’s a whole new world for me without all these unwanted symptoms. I CAN do stairs without a railing! Steep ones at that! I’m feeling younger and more like myself! Each week I notice more and more of the ways in which my life is improving! Today, I celebrate not only my friend John on his birthday and the journey of his “uncovery” I also celebrate ME on my journey. We are both healing in so many ways! Cheers!

Session Six- Wednesday, October 7, 2020

I always feel great after session, and I know that I have accomplished something. What’s been happening lately is I have been getting this unwanted feeling of not being able to hold on to my thoughts of accomplishment. I know full well that I’ve accomplished something and yet it seems to just disappear as soon as the thought has left my mouth. Even as I type this, I feel annoyed with my brain.

It’s taken me a bit to sit down to write here. I’ve been spending my down time this past week processing, and piecing back together what I accomplished in my session. Even as I am processing, which for those of you who are new here- lots of work processing is done in between sessions, not just in the chair. In my time of processing I have this nagging unwanted feeling that my brain isn’t working properly, which is why I guess it has to do with the concussion, at least in my mind.

As I was guided back to the unblocking questions I could feel the end point of my session happening. For those of you who haven’t had a TIR session an end point is that magical somewhat better place, when you are ready to leave it there for the session. I knew this end point was BIG. So big that I stopped to ask my facilitator if he could please write whatever was coming out down for me, as I didn’t want to forget. My facilitator gently said ok, and I get right back to my work. I feel really safe to untangle this and I can feel it unravelling at the most rapid speed. I hope to myself that he can write fast, but nothing is stopping me now. I keep hearing myself talking about how things show up FOR me. I know a lot when it comes to the subject of trauma, and the effects on the human body. I feel like I’ve been doing this work my entire life, and maybe longer. I understand things that even surprise me at times. I realize how many situations in my life, and in my day to day I am put in to soak up information. I realize that my clients show up as messengers, they show up to do their work, and I learn something each and every day about the human experiences. I’ve always seen my clients as gifts, and the extent of that is immeasurable .

I then begin to talk about an experience a couple weeks before in a meeting with colleagues and how I am aware that I have been taught in one way or another a load of things, some came from traditional education, but many came from life experiences. I realize in this session that if I am interested in something there is no stopping me. I realize that sometimes I was putting myself in the “not smart enough box” and it just was not true. Education comes in many ways, not just in the classroom. I realize that somewhere along this concussion journey I have put myself in the “I might never heal from this” box and I got myself stuck in there, it kept me from looking for how my body was going to heal. The body is meant to heal itself. I know this. It’s not something I think, it’s something I know. How the heck did I create that box for myself and stay there so long? I realized that one of the things I don’t especially like when it comes to doctors is that they often create a box for people when they diagnose them. I was talking about the DSM - the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. I won’t share my thoughts and opinions about that here but honestly, if you have a diagnosis please know that you are more than any diagnosis, and you are definitely not a disorder. It seems as though many times we end up carrying this box around. I know that I am deconstructing these boxes, and that healing is on the other side. I send love to all of those who wish to deconstruct the boxes they have either been handed or the ones they created.

I heard my friend Tom say before, and I am reminded in session of it. The greatest gift we can give our children is to teach them nothing at all. How many times have I looked to my parents, my teachers, my doctors to try and teach me something about myself, and now I am happily deconstructing at least some of that teaching that doesn’t serve me. I’ve always known who I really am, and each session I find more of me.

Time to take out the cardboard. See you next session! xo Amie

Session Seven- Monday, October 12, 2020

It’s Thanksgiving today and I’m so thankful to be back in the other chair. I’m also so thankful for my facilitator, he is such a great listener and he’s guiding me to look has a mistake been made? Has anything been disappointing? Oh man…. so much has been disappointing. I begin to feel that frustration rising up from deep within me. I’m so disappointed and frustrated with my brain. It felt heavy and gross to be feeling that disappointment. At one point, I let out a couple blasts of my frustration, and could sense my voice getting louder as I talked my way through that. Feeling your feelings can be hard work, and yet I know it is worth every minute. It is so comforting to know that my facilitator will sit with me until I come out the other side. I realized today that my brain wasn’t stopping me as much as I thought it was, and began talking about what I actually accomplished over the past two years and 7 months since the concussion. Holy smokes, taking a step back to look at that was super empowering. I am amazed with myself for having learned and grown so much. I’m realizing I’ve been beating my brain up for everything. One day early on after the concussion, I forgot temporarily what an english muffin was called. That scared the living crap out of me. I knew exactly what they were, and I was explaining to my friends what I meant… those little round things with all the holes and they serve them for breakfast at McDonalds with eggs in a sandwich…and yet the name was lost for what seemed like hours at the time. I’m pretty sure after that brain misfire, I was always evaluating what my brain was up to. Is it working? Is it efficient? I was so busy focusing on questioning possible inefficiencies that I hadn’t actually looked at what my brain IS doing! It’s doing amazing things for me each and every day. I know my brain works like magic from my work chair. My brain has been like a sponge soaking information and continuing education on the subject of trauma. This week I’m going to notice more of what my brain is doing.

Oh, and I can tie my shoes without sitting on the steps. I can also bend over and pet dogs, and I’m back to weight lifting. I’ve only been dizzy once and for the record I was doing mountain climbers at 7:30 am.

Until next time, I love you guys! Thanks for sharing my journey from the other chair! xo, Amie

Saturday, October 17, 2020

Today is our wedding anniversary. My husband asked me to go on a dinner date with him to celebrate. I realize as we are chatting under the twinkly lights of the outdoor patio of the lovely Italian restaurant that I’ve made it all the way here without being triggered by the lights of the city, and am quite enjoying the lighted up patios surrounding us. As I reflect I think about the several late night drives I’ve been making in and out of the city to drive my new friend home. With that realization, I think it is safe to say that the city lights are no longer a trigger for me! I’m again beyond amazed at how TIR sessions have helped me regularly improve my quality of life.

Session Eight- Monday, October 19, 2020

My ever so kind facilitator is predictable. I know it is part of TIR, and yet when I’m in the other chair I always appreciate it. Those same questions, the routine. It is so comforting to hear the words. Start of session. The words are like music to my ears. I know I’ll be leaving this online session in a better place, I always do. Before we continue with unblocking I have the opportunity to share with my facilitator how my time has been between sessions. I do a lot of work processing between sessions, and this week was no different! I have been spending a lot of time noticing my accomplishments. I’ve also spent a lot of time in thought surrounding an illness when I was a young kid- about age 5 or 6. My little brother and I had scarlet fever, and were both sick for what my mom remembers as “longer than a month” so a long stinking time…. especially for little kids! Why is it that time seems to move slower when you are young anyways?! I’ve been filtering through this time in my life, and really focused on the doctors. It seems I can’t give these professionals a break. I could feel the charge as I told my facilitator about my legs not working during this time of illness and recalling pushing myself across the kitchen floor, not giving up.

You might be wondering why is she blogging about scarlet fever when she began on the concussion… I get it, it seems complicated. Let me explain. Scarlet fever is in what I’ll refer to as my “trauma net” It has similarities to the concussion. Doctors, my body not working properly, the decision to not give up…. my experiences are wound up like a messy ball of yarn, and I’m untangling them one session at a time.

At the end of this session I am resisting. I can feel it. My brain is doing everything in its power to stop me from looking. I’m so frustrated. Mad at my brain. I can hear myself “you’re not going to remember what you’re saying” I want to just scream at my brain. I got as angry as I get. That passed quite quickly and then I sat there, head in my hands acknowledging all of the feelings that were coming up for me. Tears streaming, I was touching charge in my body. I acknowledged the distractions that kept trying to pull me away. It was hard. So hard. I like to think I’m a seasoned pro in the other chair after all these years, and still my brain was fighting me tooth and nail. And then, just like that, I could see it. It is IN-SIGHT. and it’s quite embarrassing. Hi, I’m Amie and I am the queen of sharing truth, sometimes funny, sometimes embarrassing. Either way, I’m glad you’re here.

I keep untangling and realize that I’m talking about my brain like it isn’t even part of me. I talk about it like it is separate from me. What in the world, I think to myself. I did this, why? I sit with that a little longer and see that my brain wasn’t living up to my expectations and unconsciously I must’ve given it the boot. I can almost see myself saying: “you don’t work, get the heck out” Still, not sure what to think about this, and yet here it is. I’ve uninvited my brain. Wow, that’s hardly useful. I talked about the fact that I am a self admitted overachieving perfectionist. Yeah, yeah, yeah… I’ll be adding it to the list of things to work on. There is no shortage of work to do on self. It makes me the best version of me. Since the concussion, and possibly long before that, my brain hasn’t been meeting my standards so I got in the habit of blaming it for things, eventually I guess kicking it right the heck out. Well, ok. That seems weird, and yet I feel better. I mean if I realize it, I have the opportunity to integrate that insight and allow my brain back in. I think out loud, well how can I help this along? Instantly, I’m being drawn to some of the questions I have long ago memorized, in a technique I use with clients called “communication with the body” I’ll be digging that one out for self. I’ve decided to switch up my daily meditations to a body scan until my next session. I think I’ll start by apologizing to my brain, and thanking it for some of the things it has done for me. Putting order into my thoughts, one session at a time.

See you soon! xo Amie

PS: If you want to join me- look at the meditation and grounding tab on my website. There is a body scan recording there for you!

The 8th Annual Holistic Health and Wellness Expo- November 1, 2020

I’m an outside of the box thinker. Oh boy! There is the box analogy again. This weekend is the Expo and Doors To Healing and The Stone Lake House will be there sharing about Applied Metapsychology and our Wellness Retreat. I like to set up our booths very outside of the box. They have yet to ever look the same as the expo prior and I get a lot of compliments about the cozy look I create. I’m super creative and all about experience so my “marketing” is best served by following my own way. As we are going through the “mock set up” the day before the expo I realize how often my mom is dizzy. We used to both share in this, and she’s alone there now. I’m bending over picking up this and that and moving things around like its my job….oh wait, it is this weekend! I comment how nice it is to just be doing my thing and show mom how I can bend up and down a bunch of times in a row. No sign of dizzy to be had. I let her rest as I whip the booth together.

Session Nine- November 3, 2020

It’s taken me a bit to sit down and blog about my recent sessions. Thanks for being patient with me! I’ve noticed I’m processing a lot more after session and I really needed to take some time with my thoughts and experiences before I was ready to sit down and share them with you.

In this session, as always I had a lot to say. I looked at what has been made worse and the objections.

I talked about how my sweet daughter, Kylee tries to take my pain. For all of you empaths reading ~ this is not a kindness to either of us, even though it might seem like it. Message me if you want to have a one on one conversation about this!

I begin talking about how as a young teenager my mom told me that my sense of smell was “too strong.” I totally objected to that comment. I’d walk around saying “ugh, this smells” I can smell absolutely EVERYTHING. Ugh. Not everything smells good. My little cousin Jaz always says my house smells like me. I asked her one day what the smell of “me” was, hoping I didn’t smell bad. Her response: “your house always smells like cookies” I’ll take that. I purposely always bake her and her family cookies when they are coming, and I love the smell of cookies in my house. Her mom told me that when she smells cookies other places she says “it smells like Amie” I love that! I can’t wait until the day we can invite family in for weekend getaways again, and chat over cookies. Until then, back to my session…. I objected entirely to the comment that something was wrong with me. With all I know now about trauma, I believe my hypervigilance when it comes to smell was 100% a trauma response. My state of increased awareness, and extreme sensitivity to smells helped me be alert to hidden dangers in my environment.

You’re possibly reading wondering what my sense of smell has anything to do with my ear, or better yet the concussion. I see why you could be confused…. This tangled up trauma only makes sense to me, and at times even I am confused. I’ve been told I’m a good story teller so ….grab some cookies, hold on and enjoy the read! I get the sense there is a lot more that is about to come untangled soon enough and for that I am always thankful. I also get the “scents” it is time to go bake some cookies when I’m done my writing for today.

I’m realizing as the days go by, and I continue with my sessions that the concussion is keeping none of my attention. The dizziness is totally gone. I don’t shed tears when I talk about it. It seems like a thing that happened in my past. Yet, when my facilitator asks I still have interest in keeping the wording the same: “concerning the concussion” I believe that my body is showing me what is next here. It isn’t feeling the pain from the concussion and the focus is shifting to my ears. They somehow seem related. My right ear smacked really hard when my head hit the marble in Mexico. My ears are so itchy in my session, and the pain is intense as I make my way to my end point. My brain spoke up with that “ you aren’t going to remember this” message. That message is such a lie. I sit, communicating back to my brain. I let it know that I recognize this response, and thank it for all it does for me. My brain and I are friends again, and I’m owning it as my own. I’m allowing it to integrate as we process together with the knowing that all I need to do is look again, if I forget. The answers are always there inside of me and TIR helps me to access them.

The only question right now, is peanut butter or chocolate chip cookies? I can smell them already! See you next time, from the other chair.

Processing!

I’ve been learning a lot outside of session. Over the past week I’ve made another connection. So many of the things I talk about in session have to do with “injury” involving my head. I’ve been thinking a lot about surgery I had on my jaw. I’ve been processing through that experience in my sleep a lot and questioning the tubes in my ears. Were they always tiny like the Ear Nose and Throat doctor told me? Did they get bent with the jaw surgery? That jaw surgery was insanely traumatic for me, and quite a stress to my body. I wonder about the scar tissue. I haven’t thought about this in years.

The night after my session I woke up with my husband hovering over me asking me if I was okay. I’d been scratching my ears most of the night according to him and he thought we might be having an earthquake until he realized it was me. When I woke to answer him, the pain was excruciating. I began to immediately cry. I had what I’ll call a major emotional release. The snotty, hard to breathe, dripping in tears kind that I needed. I sat with it, and it lasted a good hour. Feeling all the feels. Not resisting and letting it all out, whatever wanted to come out, I was there for it. My husband was trying to fix it, he just can’t. This is my thing, and there is really nothing he can do. He sat up with me, occasionally suggesting he take me to the hospital to see a doctor. I told him that’s been exhausted. He gets it, he was there when the ENT told me there is nothing more he can do. I’m fully aware that my body wants me to put this experience all back, shove it back in to suppression, and stop touching it and that is just not going to happen. The ENT might be out of answers when it comes to a solution to the ear pain but TIR is definitely not. As a human I am sometimes looking for the easy way out, looking to another to solve my pains. I realize now more than ever that some things I just can’t delegate. Sorting my own mental world and my own experiences is one of those things. I have to do the work, I am the only one who can. TIR is my favorite tool for doing my work….so see you in session!

Session Ten- November 10, 2020

In this session I am looking again at what has been made worse, I wasn’t quite done with that yet. I’m looking at what has been withdrawn from and what’s been ignored.

I get that feeling again, where my head seems it might actually explode. I make a connection to several incidents in my life where I have felt this before. Things for me are making a lot of sense. In this session I am reminded that my eyes keep getting itchy when I talk… sheesh Louise, they are a part of my head too and one of my senses. How is this all connected. Stick around, I have a feeling we will find out ….

More processing….

I realize I made a decision in the kitchen the day my mom told me about my sense of smell. I made the decision that if something was going to suffer it could be my ears. I decided of my senses, that was the least necessary. Did you guys know when we make decisions during incidents, they are very POWERFUL?! I’m aware of this decision now so it will lose it’s power over me as I continue to process through this giant tangle.

I’ve been remembering more and more about my jaw surgery. Recalling how much it hurt when I got sick in recovery and my wired shut jaw had to be cut back open so I could toss my cookies. When I think of that my ears throb. I remember the Oral surgeon who talked to me like I was a baby. I remember his embroidered lab coat. I have noticed that I call “him” (the doctor) “them” yet, he is one guy. One guy in an embroidered lab coat. Odd. I’m sure I’ll piece that together one of these days.

I’ve been going over the incident in my mind - recalling lots of details. That is one of the cool things about TIR (there are lots of cool things) I process so many things outside of session. Sometimes I might even do more outside of session than I do inside of session. It helps that I have techniques memorized since I use them every day with my clients, but just so you know my clients often report using the techniques on their own too. The work is really empowering!

The intensity in my ear has lessened NONE, in fact I would say its worsened. I have faith it will lessen, and I’m certain its worse because I’ve been working on it, instead of ignoring it. That worse is only temporary, and I’m here for it. I went and saw a local practitioner for some manual manipulation and massage. Hurt like heck, and felt great all in the same appointment, my lymph is definitely draining out some gunk since then. I had a giant knot behind my left ear and she worked some magic on that. I know she can’t “fix” me but it was good decision for me, and I plan to go back again to help my body flush out some of the gunk.

I’m really grateful that you are here following my experience. I follow weekly stats on my website and am overwhelmed with how many of you follow along. I feel your love! Big hugs! xo

Session Eleven- November 18, 2020

In this session, I am reminded of a medication mix up where I was given a medication that was a known and documented allergy for me. Well, that makes a whole lot of sense! It’s no wonder I double check everything. It also is another hit to the topic of doctors, that until now I hadn’t thought about in years.

I’m reminded of a family member who struggled with addiction, and her taking my prescription for my wisdom teeth at a family funeral. I remember my Oma had passed away the day of my surgery. A day or two post wisdom teeth surgery, I was at her funeral. My body was at least, my mind seemed so distant from my body that day because of all the medication. I don’t remember much of anything from the funeral, but I do remember hearing people talking around me with my head on the table feeling completely out of it from the medication, and hating that feeling. I remember wondering why anyone would ever want to feel this way, and why my Aunt would want to take my medication. She could take it all for all I cared, I’d rather feel the pain of that surgery then feel vacant in my body. I resist all medication as an adult. There is an oil for everything, and oil is my families “medicine cabinet”

In this session the itchiness in my eyes was back. Sometimes, it is so uncomfortable in session. My body tries to stop me in so many ways from looking at the past. The itchiness in my eyes, although irritating is a gift. It takes me back to my childhood. It takes me back to the smell of weed in the house, the smell of cigarette smoke and itchy eyes. It takes me back to the night I had my brother buried deep under the covers so he was protected from the terrible smell of the drugs being passed around by the adults. I remember the feeling of knowing I might be small, but I was definitely smarter than most of the adults in my world.

As an adult, I’ve been in many situations where other adults are “acting up” and my go to role in those situations is to take the kids away from the situation. I had some anger surface about the cannabis greenhouses around me, and the fact that I no longer have a choice but to smell it, in my dryer, in my yard and basically every time I go anywhere. It triggers me because as a kid I had no choice. I feel for the kids, who also have no choice, with the greenhouses right beside their schools and daycares. I don’t have much of an opinion anymore on what other people choose for them, but I also remember the pain of what it was like to be a kid in situations where the adults were acting like kids. Today, my eyes remember it, and yikes- they’re itchy until I’m finished talking. The body remembers everything. At the end of session, I feel a whole lot lighter and it felt good to feel my feelings from the other chair. See you next time!

Session Twelve- November 25, 2020

Concerning the concussion has anything been stated with strong feelings? I stayed with this question the entire session, and some of the last one too. I’m a person with strong feelings. I’m reminded of all the comments about being a red head. I hate it when people make comments about red heads, or carrot tops. Carrot tops are green. Duh. My red hair made me different, and weird growing up. People liked to share their comments about my originality. My Grandpa wasn’t afraid to admit that I was his favorite to all the other grandchildren. I had red hair, just like a son he lost many years prior. I explained this as the red hair box. I actually had a boss tell me that he wouldn’t hire a red head again. I wanted to yell in his face, I don’t have a red head. What does that even mean? All people with “red” hair get clumped into the red head box. Made no sense to me then, or now.

I begin telling my facilitator about my high school math teacher. He tried to put me in the “not smart enough” box. That was definitely not true. I didn’t like math, and it seemed like a waste of time to me. His comment impacted my life in many ways, and it also gave me some good stories to share. My life is full of stories that I can use to strengthen hope for others in public speaking and workshops. I reflect on how many people get stuck in boxes of judgement from other people. I hear it day in and day out in client sessions.

I talk about the funny story telling box that my family has suggested for me. I like that box. I know I am funny, and quick. I realize that I have used humor throughout my life as a coping mechanism. I could tell my story of trauma to anyone growing up, if I lightened it up for them. I could talk, but I had to make it funny so they didn’t cry or react. These people today, will still tell you “Amie is the best story teller” I recognize in my session that even for my facilitator I am adding in humor when the opportunity presents itself. I like to keep people entertained, which keeps them interested and then I can talk more. People listen when I tell these good stories. The stories are all true, I just have this magical way of making them entertaining. I love to talk. I always have. No one seems to interrupt a good story. This serves my business well too. I have been told “it is helpful that I am so regular and have a way of making people feel comfortable.” I’ve been told numerous times that “I have a way of making trauma something people want to talk about” GOOD! Part of my personal mission statement is to normalize trauma and the sharing of experience within my community. I love that my own experience has made me efficient at the job.

I end my session with a funny story about drawing cubes on the paper in math class. I chuckle about the fact that it might be the only useful thing I learned in math. I see myself dissociating in math class, drawing boxes. Laughter fills my body as I laugh at the fact that I liked drawing these boxes, I just am not too sure about being put in some of them. I draw a bunch of cube boxes on the paper I use to summarize what I accomplished for myself. I feel happy. I leave my session and put on my converse for a client session. As I walk out to my car, I giggle again. I’m the trauma transformation girl in converse, and I love my life and the things I get to do. Showing up as me, and allowing you to show up as you. No matter which chair I’m in, session space is one of my favorite ways to spend time.

Until next time…more cardboard for the curb.

Session 13- December 4, 2020

In todays session I accomplished going back on the things that I’ve been processing over the past week. It seemed like one of those sessions where I cleared up what I’ve been circling around lately. That felt really good, and my brain was happy to have it all flooding back in. As I was ending my session I had the sense something traumatic happened to my head as a baby. The full, squished, exploding feeling has something to do with my childbirth and I am pretty sure I know what it is. I saw parts of it when I was viewing but I wasn’t ready to talk about this today, and so I didn’t. I love that about TIR, and my facilitator- he will never make me do anything I don’t want to. It’s not that I don’t want to look at this, I’ve just had enough for today. I also love that I have the power to decide when I’m finished a session. It is such an empowering modality. I love you guys! See you next week as I share from the other chair. xo

Session 14- December 11, 2020

This past week has been full of processing. I told my mom one morning while I was doing the dishes at the office about my insight from last session. Turns out, I was exactly right. Before I get to what I uncovered….Let’s talk about PAIN. Our bodies remember everything! I go for a lot of my own sessions. Learning more about me using the modality I love continues to improve my world, even after all these years. I heard myself in a meeting over the weekend telling some newer facilitators that I believe going for routine sessions of my own makes me better at my job. I love both chairs, and I look forward to my sessions.

Over the past couple weeks in session I gained some insight on this exploding head feeling I get. I have refrained from naming it pain but in reality it’s an intense pressure. Super uncomfortable.

When did it start? Well, I’ve found the answer within me.

Let’s go back to September 10, 1976. The day I was born. Whaaaattt? Exactly.

I had the strong sense my head was being squished and pulled on. I didn’t expect my mom to remember but I had the inner knowing I was helped out with the use of forceps. Where was this coming from and why did the memory keep surfacing?

I asked mom who surprisingly did remember. It was a terrible birth and low and behold forceps were used. She shared that I had a large mark on my head for months after.

Did you know that you can trace back unwanted pains, see where they originated from and when you get to the root they lose power over you! It’s magical!

The body totally keeps score! What does your body remember that cognitively you haven’t accessed yet? I don’t yet know what this means for me but I do know that my body remembered something I had never heard about or accessed before. I am super excited to get to the bottom of what this means for me and my body.

Thank you for reading along on my journey from the other chair as I release pain and emotional charge from my body. My website statistics show me I have over 3,000 active readers here and that makes my heart super smile. It means I’m following my way and sharing TIR with as many people as I can reach. All while improving my own life, one session at a time. How does it get any better than that? Thank you to each and every one of you for being here! Big love, friends! xo

Session 15- December 15, 2020

As my session begins, I fill my facilitator in on the last week. I’ve been crying a lot. I’ve found a spot on my ear that if I push on it, I hear a “cracking” sound and after a few pushes more tears come. It doesn’t hurt to push on this spot, however it almost seems as an emotional release button. Once I’ve said all I wish, I’m ready for more unblocking. Today, we are working on what has been misunderstood. Lots of misunderstanding when it comes to past experiences with doctors. Those guys can’t seem to catch a break with me!

I have a lot to say about misunderstandings. As an outside of the box thinker, being misunderstood is common. Top that with the fact that I have a son diagnosed with an Autism Spectrum Disorder. I’d never have had him diagnosed in my perfect world, I see no point. In order for him to fit into the school system it was necessary. He is the best! He follows his way, and he finds his way. I continue my session talking about his Grade One teacher- Mrs. B. (fitting name) One night at a parent teacher interview, she took me out to the hall to show me how “wrong” my kid was. This story makes me laugh, and it also makes me super proud of the mom I am. Mrs. B is pointing out to me all of the Santa Claus crafts hanging outside of the classroom on display in the hall for all of the students and parents to see. They all look the same. Short, plump, white bearded Santa. Except one. The one on the end. Tall, skinny, long legs and arms with one cotton ball on it’s slender face. Guess which one is Kyran’s? The beautiful one on the end. I see no problem, but Mrs. B is insisting on pointing out to me the difference and that Ky didn’t follow directions. Mrs. B clearly doesn’t understand art, or Ky, and she has chosen the wrong mother. I listen to her as she tells me: “I instructed the kids - lots of cotton to make a beard and he refused.” Well no kidding. He hates beards, they make him itch. Ky is tall, he’s been off the growth charts for height and at the 5th percentile for weight his entire life. He’s 19 now, and healthy as can be. He doesn’t understand stout and plump. He is surrounded by tall, and slender. I let her finish and then I give her a little piece of me. “With all due respect, Mrs. B. Santa is fake, so none of this matters.” She looks at me, and says “Kyran is lucky to have you for his mother” I didn’t hear much from her after that, and she retired that year. I am pretty certain not only did she misunderstand my kid, she totally misunderstood me, and the concept of art. I’ll have to dig that Santa out. I saved it. I don’t save things like this, but this one made the cut. That day I knew Mrs. B was right about one thing. Ky is lucky to have me as his mom, and I am lucky to have him as my son.

December 19, 2020

I had my bars run by Kylee tonight. Pretty cool right? My daughter is an Access Consciousness Practitioner too! My body was resisting, which is really strange. Usually, I lay on the massage table, and fall almost instantly asleep into deep comfort while her warm hands work on my head. Today, my body almost seemed to be fighting the change that I know is possible in an Access Bars session. I started to talk about the forceps, and cry. My son came in and put his hands on my feet. He didn’t stay in the room long, and as my body relaxed I fell asleep on the table allowing the energy to flow.

Session 16- December 23, 2020

In this session I want to continue to look at misunderstanding. I realize I resist listening to others, when it comes to being about me. I’m the expert on me. I really don’t like advice, opinions or judgement from others and I resist it hard core. This is one of the best things about TIR- no advice, no interpretations, no evaluation, no judgement. I open up to the possibility of listening differently when someone begins offering me their opinions on me. Let’s see if I can listen without feeling obligated to hold on to what they think is best for me. I know that is for me to decide. As always, I leave my sessions feeling in a better place! This work is really empowering.

Don’t forget you are the expert on you! xo

Session 17- December 30, 2020

Over the Christmas holidays my ear became plugged. That is one way to not have to listen to other people giving me advice but not exactly the way I was hoping for. I went to see the doctor to get my ear flushed out. When I got to my appointment I was surprised that I was seeing a doctor other than my own. I could feel my body tense when he would come in and out of the room. In this session I’m still focused on what has been misunderstood. As I sort through some of these incidents, my body is talking to me- showing me with sensations of ear pain, the exploding head feeling, and itchy eyes. My body knows something, these same symptoms keep showing up in sessions.

I feel misunderstood. I’ve been called crazy as many times as Amie, if not more. I know what I want to achieve and I am creative and very organized. I visualize things, and know how to bring the vision to life. I have the ability to create something out of nothing and am often praised for how well I can plan and organize something, down to every last detail. I love to create an experience. It’s all about the details for me.

Other people think that lots of the work I put in to things is crazy and then I get loads of compliments me on my attention to details. How can I/this be crazy and enjoyed by others at the same time? I totally misunderstand that.

I’m confident that following my way is best for me. I love creating in my business and my life.

Chocolate Meditation and Date Night at The Stone Lake House. Each couple had their own table with Charcuterie and wine. We played communication games, relationship building techniques, and my friends at Relational Conversations and I shared lessons about communication. My favorite part of the night was the ending. An outdoor, under the stars and lights chocolate meditation. Each couple had their own blanket, with a tray of chocolate from Dutch Boys, a local Chocolatier, and chocolate covered strawberries. After the meditation, I delivered tea to the blankets before setting back in to my own blanket with Michael. I reflected with him on how much fun the night was, and listened to the other couples communicate quietly. Everyone cuddled with their partner for a long time that night by the lake. It was perfect!

I look forward to hosting many more events like this - until then, I love you! xo

Session 18 - January 5, 2021

Concerning the concussion has anything been misunderstood? I have lots more to say about this. I see myself back in the principals office in high school. He’s asking “Amie, you weren’t in class yesterday …care to explain?” I tell him I was at the beach. He sends me back to class. This happens often. I never lie. One day, same thing is about to unfold. All of us are crowding the hall in the familiar office, waiting for our turn to be punished. Mr. H comes out, looks down the line of students there, points to me and in his stern voice says “Amie, in my office” I go sit down, and he asks me where I was. I reply “national skip day, sir. I was at the beach with everyone out there.” To me, the whole process seems “stupid” If being in class is so important, why does half the morning get wasted waiting to be punished for not being in class, causing more time out of class. I totally misunderstand the concept of that. Mr. H asks me why I always tell the truth about where I was. I say “well, you call me in here I tell you the truth and you send me back to class without a suspension. The idiots in the hall come in here, lie and tell you they were sick or their dog ate their homework and they get suspended. I think the better question sir is why doesn’t everyone just tell you the truth.” He smirks at me. I suggest to him a way to save everyone some time, getting him back to whatever other important tasks he has and the students back to the classroom, he could open the office door, comment on the tans from national skip day and hand out the suspension slips. He thanks me and sends me back to class. This causes me to feel like the “fruit loop” in a school full of cherrios. I realize in this session that being different from the crowd hasn’t seemed to be encouraged in my life. I know I am the mom that encourages my kids to be themselves. I see Mrs. B again, and my sons Santa craft in the hall. She was making him wrong for being different, which is why I was so triggered by it. I love being the fruit loop in a world full of cherrios. What does this have to do with the concussion? Being different, especially in school, was a huge contributing factor to me feeling wrong. I didn’t have a whole lot of interest in the things that we were learning, I blamed my brain for not focusing. I recall the incidents all through school when I was interested in the people around me and what was going on in their lives. I recall a friend who was going through her own personal trauma with a brain tumor, a friend whos parents were getting a divorce, a friend who witnessed a death, and countless other events, that I now know are traumas. When I do have interest I stand out, I focus with great intention, and my brain absorbs at rapid speed! The subject of trauma, stress and the effects on the human body have maintained my focus of interest like no other.

I go on to evaluate for myself how much easier and more enjoyable it is to be a fruit loop as an entrepreneur. I remind myself I don’t have to fit in, I was born to stand out. The red hair helped. The head full of curls helped.

Be YOU- everyone else is already taken! I love you friends! Thanks for stopping by! See you next time, from the other chair. xo, Amie

Session 19- January 13, 2021

I felt ready to move on from what has been misunderstood today. I’ve been looking at what has been misunderstood for nearly a month, and clearly I had lots to say. Since my last session, I’ve had a shift in my thoughts around misunderstanding. I’m accepting me for who I am more and more every day. I thought that my relationship with self has been pretty strong all along, but now I am getting to know parts of me I’ve never looked at before. It’s super cool. Misunderstood was a giant tangle in my inner world, and now it seems clear, untangled, and understood. Phew.

Today, I am looking at has anything been promised.

In todays session I go inward and realize I’ve promised myself that I wouldn’t give up.

I realize I’m triggered by doctors making promises they can’t fulfill, and people who lack consideration for others. You know, the kind who park their car in the closest spot of a small lot without any cares to give for the person in a wheelchair. I don’t want to be the kind of person or service that doesn’t consider others. I don’t ever want to be the person who parks my car in the doorway, or doesn’t give my seat to someone who could use it.

I hear myself saying I just want to stay “normal” I break out in laughter. What is normal anyways? I have to clarify, I want to stay only as “normal” as a fruit loop in a bowl of cherrios. I’d rather be that kind of “normal” instead of the kind who parks their car in the closest spot. As I’m telling my patient and gentle facilitator all of this low and behold, I find a giant ball of tied up strings that have attached themselves to my top from the laundry. This session is getting funnier by the second. I tell my facilitator about the string tangle I’ve found, realizing full well it might sound insanely odd and not giving a hoot. I wish he was able to laugh, but we are in session, and no matter how funny it gets he remains with me. My Certified Facilitator has his straight TIR face perfected. His job must be hard with me, I say some funny things…but he’s really good at his work. I can tell he loves it as much as me. I tell him how I don’t think this string find is an accident. I decide in that moment that this hunk of balled up string on my top is a gift. I see it symbolizes something as it shows up at the same time that I’m telling my facilitator I want to stay the person who will talk about anything, weird and all. I am aware that my promise to self is to normalize trauma talk, and all while staying the person who I really am. The converse wearing, talk about anything girl with the string hanging off her shirt. The funny girl, who isn’t afraid to show up just as she is- quirky and fun, yet focused and intently interested in trauma resolution. I want to remain the girl who explains things in ways that anyone can understand. The girl who connects with most anyone. The girl who will stop to help a homeless person on the street or ask someone to borrow their dog, even if it makes me look weird. The girl who parks at the back of the lot so there is room for the person in a wheelchair.

I hear myself talking about an underlying “worry” of not wanting to grow in business too much that I grow into a jerk. Where does that idea even come from? What exactly is too much, and by who's definition? What is with this limitation I’m carrying around?

Friends, I have big plans for Doors To Healing. My goal is to open a trauma resolution center, including a family and addictions wing. I can see the whole plan, it’s big. Way bigger than me. It is exciting to think about, and plan. The best part about the whole plan is the knowing that a lot of healing will happen there. I’ve had lots of opportunities to grow into a jerk and I’ve not taken them yet so why the heck am I’m worried about this? I have no idea. I think it would take quite a bit for me to actually turn into a jerk. Ok, I’m done with that. The chances are slim.

I’m over here, doing my thing. I talk about things many other people run from. I’m on a mission to “normalize trauma” I’ve made a promise to self to put myself out there, to talk about the things that others don’t. To step into the places in which others are. I’m promising myself today, right now in this session to be more in allowance of me. I’m happy to be the fruit loop who is talking about trauma. It is part of my mission to educate and empower others in their journey, and to engage, post and interact with my audience in ways that are easy to understand. My mission is to inspire others towards their own inner work. We can all heal from pain. You won’t see me posting about the weather, but you will see me sharing about trauma in creative ways. Trauma talk is my jam, it lights me up.

If you want to assist with my mission, share a post if it resonates with you, share my blog, join me on my promise to talk about the truths that exist. How much better can life get if we start talking about these things? I promise, it is much more interesting and valuable than the weather or sports. It’ll help change the world, and that is a big promise! We all have trauma, we all have stress, we are all human. When one person heals, it can impact 350,000. That’s the promise I sign up for.

Thank you for being here! See you next week, from the other chair!

Session Twenty - January 20, 2021

I’ve accomplished so much over the last 20 weeks in my sessions concerning the concussion. I feel complete with this topic after today, so after this sharing I’ve decided to take a break from the blog. I of course will still be having sessions, and giving sessions, just not posting in this way. I might change my mind, but for now I have lots happening, I’ve been busy taking more courses, planning workshops, and events. Some exciting stuff is coming SOON!

I want to start by thanking all of you for being with me as I untangled this part of my life. The feedback from my sharing has warmed my heart…. so much so, that I decided I might write a book, once I’m finished with some of the exciting upcoming things.

Today in session my facilitator took me back through several incidents with the unwanted feeling that I refer to as an “exploding head.” This technique is called a Thematic TIR, and if you haven’t tried it yet- I’ll just say…. its amazing at eliminating unwanted feelings, emotions, sensations, attitudes and pains! My body loves me for it! The best way I can explain what an exploding head felt like in my body is overwhelmed to the point of pulling out ones hair, with chaos all around and the sense that nothing can be done as the situations spiral out of control, and the pressure is similar to being in a airplane, with no gum magnified by a thousand. In most of the incidents I confronted in this session, I was a child and the adults were bringing the chaos to the party, so there was no escaping it.

As, I came to my end point being the earliest incident containing the feeling of an exploding head, my head felt a hundred pounds lighter. I realized that I knew what was best for me in all of these incidents, even as a young girl.

I haven’t had the feeling of an exploding head for weeks now, I haven’t been dizzy for months now. The pain has left my body, for which I am beyond grateful. I can’t wait to see what I uncover next!

See you all soon! Sign up here if you’d like to join the email list ….don’t worry! I won’t be filling your inbox often.. but, there are definitely some things up my sleeve you won’t want to miss! xo, Amie