So Many Decisions

Do you know that you’re under zero obligation to stick with a decision?

You’re under no obligation to be the version of yourself you were 5 minutes ago?

So much of my identity seems to be wrapped up in my business. I started this business out of my storage closet in 2018. They say most businesses fail within the first 3 years. I know my business is not me, and I am not my business, but I do know I love working with people through their trauma and stress, and let’s face it - humans spend a lot of time at work.

So, I chose again. One day at a time, I chose to still see some clients on the days I can, if they decided to still want to see me. At least for this week, when not much is going on yet. Unless waiting counts as something.

Yesterday, I went back to work to play with my “baby” (that’s what I’ve been calling Doors to Healing). I was there for for about an hour. It was magical. And, just what I needed. My client was also pretty happy about being there, and gave me so much love and some extra hugs. She told me she sees white light around me. I left feeling amazing!

After that beautiful start to my day I had my 3rd call with Craig, who is my Facilitator and the man who knows me probably more than any human does. Craig and I have been working together since 2019. Craig is such a gift to me and our connection is so special to me! I know I can tell him anything and I know he’ll still love me for it. Everyone needs a Craig.

In my session, I’m talking about my pains. I feel grateful. TIR helps me in so many ways!

After session I take Kalvin to romp in the snow for a 2 hour walk with our friends. Kalvin and I like fresh air, and moving our bodies. Kalvin and I like a lot of similar things, only he likes salmon and I don’t, and I like a clean jeep and he doesn’t give a rat’s ass. But, really do rats give away their asses? Yet another stupid ass idiom.

Ky has hockey tonight. Ky is my 22 year old son. And Mikey has his meeting. So, it’s girls night. Girls night + Kalvin. We get some Starbucks - we love Starbucks, my little barista and I. Kalvin loves Starbucks too! His tail helicopters when he sees we are approaching. Kalvin’s dog mom, Tully, is having more babies and they’re going to be a Starbucks litter. Kalvin was the Mario litter. His name was Luigi. He’s totally a Kalvin.

I’ve been getting lots of what I call “shower downloads.”

For as long as I can remember, the shower has been a way I clear my energy and refresh. I get lots of good ideas in the steamy warmth of the shower. Today is not any different.

I’ve come up with an idea for my interns. I’m going to work to get them on a rotation to come run sessions on me. Then I’ll have extra sessions and they’ll get lots of hours in. It’ll also be great to see their progress.

I’ve been having a really hard time confronting hair loss and it hasn’t even started yet. It was surprising to me to see how much my hair is a part of my identity and a part that feels really hard. A shower provided the idea I needed to confront this aspect. My hairdresser, Sarmad, will give me one last haircut before Chemo begins. And then he will keep cutting it to shorter stages, all in one day, until it all comes off. This way he can try some cuts on me and I can see what my hair might look like in each stage as it grows back.

Sarmad has been my hairdresser since 2013 and he has never given me a bad haircut. I love him to bits, he’s offered to come in when his salon is closed and some of my support team will come with me. Kylee made invitations today. She’s the cutest. She also offered to shave her head with me but I told her NO WAY. Her curls are beautiful. Sarmad has often commented that not many people embrace the hair they have and I do. I love my curls and I love how simple I can be with hair. Wash, scrunch, and out the door in 5 minutes tops.

Although I still don’t want to lose my hair, I know that doing this my way will make it easier.

I talked to Suzanne about the cold cap and it sounds less than enjoyable, I also don’t like being cold! So, I’m going to get ahead of my hair and bravely face the unknowns.

A surprise in my email from Shelby. I cried. My sparkle sometimes feels like it’s washed all off for a few minutes, but I’m thankful it keeps coming back.

Starbucks helps me. You know how the cup says “that first sip feeling.” No, it’s not only the first sip for me. It’s the whole entire cup. Every sip. I know I’m addicted to Starbucks and maybe, just maybe, Starbucks is addicted to me.

Thank you so much, Shelby! I love you 😘