Confronting Pain
This feels like a long day. Oh wait, that’s because it was actually 2 days stuck together. As a crisis and trauma trainer, I was aware that this long day was part of my incident and this crisis and trauma was mine.
I’m realizing that I can’t do a session at the same time I’m getting a boob cut out. I wonder if they’ll find that rope of Kalvin’s?
Today, January 16th, is my last day of work for now. As I finish my last client, his mom sees an eagle flying over the lake. It soars right by the window and we all stare in awe. It was massive and wanted us to see It.
Thank you for sharing this with me, K & E.
I’m packing up to leave The Stone House and I see the keychains Kylee made.
I better get one.
Leaving the office on this cold and snowy night felt terrible. Like I was leaving my baby on the step of a firehall and walking away. And, no I’ve not ever done that. At least in this lifetime. IYKYK.
The grief is real - I should run the grief techniques on myself. I love TIR. I love this business I get to run. I am so sad. I need my kids and tricycle time, my husband, my dog, my sister, and a Starbucks. I needed tacos too, but I forgot.
January 17th, 2024
I’m struggling hard to confront looking at myself. Especially naked. I feel raw and like I’ve been taken in a dark alley and got the shiz kicked out of me from the inside out. I am overwhelmed by my phone and realizing I’m really loved. I meet my colleague Sean and the creator of the CRISIS®️ training I teach. On a WhatsApp video call at 6am Ontario time and 11am UK time, Sean ended up walking me through a CRISIS session while we were both in our jammies. I feel great—like myself—after it and have a plan for the day.
Sean and I in Niagara Falls, Ontario. October 2023.
I also have this insight that I’ll regret it if I lose a boob and don’t have a picture. So, you want a nude? What the actual?
Janelle has been there for me in good times and in bad. She’s the Doors to Healing photographer and she steps in traffic to get good photos for work. She also shows up with props because she somehow knows the pictures I need… like this random lemon one she took as cars were dodging her. I get a text later that day from my sister, Vanessa, and she says, “hey, why were you holding lemons on a bridge? Jason saw you and Janelle he thinks.” Oh yeah he did, and that girl will do anything for the picture she wants. And for me, she’ll do anything for me. Including the time she decided I had a moustache and waxed it off when my eyes were closed, giving me a rash for 2 weeks that felt like my lip was permanently stuck to a hot glue gun. After that, I still trusted her but only with my eyes open. There is no one I would rather have shared this photoshoot with. Kalvin ate her plastic lemons while I walked around topless and crying.
I need a pedicure and a Starbucks date with my girl. So, I do it! But, I forgot no one was home to watch Kalvin so he comes with and stays in the jeep with his Roots hoodie on. The seat heat and the jeep running right at the window where I can see and watch him. Does it matter at this point if someone steals the jeep I wanted since I was 15? No. But, if someone steals Kalvin my world would crash harder than it already is.
Who forgets their dog and tacos? I actually do know someone who forgot their dog in a way worse scenario but I’ve been over that. As my brother-in-law Max says, “I’ve beat a dead horse.” Can I just ask, why would anyone do THAT? Also, why would anyone kill 2 birds with one stone? Why would you even kill one? Especially when you can feed 2 birds with one scone. I digress.
If they make me take off my nail polish to get my boob cut off, I’m screwed because I splurged and got shellac. I mean, it seemed like the best idea to upgrade since I’m currently an unemployed free loader. Thanks Mikey.
Wednesday night Kalvin gets to play with his buddy and parts clean up pal, Jordi, and some other doggie friends. While their masters attempt to overload the 4 leggeds with treats and love, we all listen and learn some new important puppy sorts of things. Kyran offered to help so it was mother and son date night. He absolutely loves dates with me, although I’m convinced he’ll only go if he’s not busy with something better like pickleball, hockey, Livvy Dunne or a Wallen concert. No, really he loves chillin’ with me and unapologetically would admit it. Anyways, I was out and I was overwhelmed. I cried. I almost ran away. And then I was handed yet another gift - HELP! - as I watched Tara play with Kal and Kal be a good boy. A good boy with a voice, and a really waggy helicopter tail. Then, it was Starbucks o’clock. For those of you who don’t know what time that is- any time will do. Then bath time, Kalvin and Kyran especially like the song we sing. I told you. C-R.A.Z.Y with a capital C!
To the tune of row, row, row your boat …c’mon y’all sing it with me!
🎤 Scrub, scrub, scrub your dog til he’s nice and clean… scrub and scrub and scrub and scrub until he doesn’t stink any-moore! 🎶
I’m wondering if I can get my dear friend Justin to play and sing this one for me? In his cheez it shirt. And then make a vinyl - you’ll all buy one, right? Yeah, me too! He’s really talented and I can’t sing!
I don’t like “shoulding” (say that real fast ten times and let me know when you get it) but even though I really don’t like 💩ing on others, you really should follow him! He’s a local talented artist and an all around lovely human.
Check him out! https://open.spotify.com/artist/2Xot7cYkHrKwFFoLPh7Dil
