Day One Done
The lovely, gentle nurses are surrounding me, and they’re removing the bandages from Penelope. They tell me the neck incision looks great and they steri-strip the site where the “port” went in. It’s all clean and I am happy about that! It was looking nasty, and apparently the itchy redness was because I’m allergic to the tegaderm.
As the warm blankets covered me and I settled in to the soft bed the tears began to stroll down my cheeks and in to my mouth. Mikey got my own blanket from my backpack and my Kalvin stuffy and I began communicating with my body. As soon as I did, Penelope reminded me the port is all taken care of, and there is nothing to worry about. As I heard Penelope crack a joke “Penelope is surrounding Portland” in my funny pilot voice mimic. my whole body sighed in relief. One week ago when I was in the hospital bed and communicating with my body and Penelope I had no idea what exactly Penelope’s role in this was and maybe I still don’t but, I do know that today with the communication it became very clear to me that once Penelope was surrounding Portland I could rest. I thought I would be communicating with every bag of medication that got hung on the pole and asking my body to take only what it needs and filter the rest. But, right there in that warm comfy hospital bed with my friends Kalvin emotionally cuddling me and Penelope taking care of Port-land my whole body was safe. Now, for all of you reading that might be thinking “Amie is crazy” it’s totally okay. This very well might seem that way. Lots of things I say might be strange and outside of the box of “normal” and I’m super happy about that! Not much about me fits into a neat little box and normal is boring AF for me. I have had the opportunity to learn so many things “outside of the box” that help me every day. I want that for you too. If we stay so confined to the boxes of conformity or worried about judgements from others we stay stuck. When we follow our way, we find it. For most of my life, I’ve referred to myself as a brown duck. It’s been hard living as a brown duck, in ponds full of yellow ducks. I felt weird, different, out there, crazy. Like I didn’t belong in these ponds. Until I realized in session one day, I’m a brown duck and I wouldn’t change it for the world. As long as I’m true to me, I’ll swim in any pond and sing my song. Maybe a long the way I’ll meet other ducks who hear some of my lyrics and think it’s cool and maybe I won’t but I won’t stop singing them. I LOVE ducking my fellow Jeep friends. But, when you see my Rubicon you only see one duck in my pond. It’s brown. It reminds me every day to stay true to me. I keep the others I receive in my console. If I just lost you and you don’t know about Jeep ducking- go ask the google when you’re done reading - it’s a super fun game owners do with other Jeeps. ✌️ The pond is what I call the holder up on my dash board that was possibly intended for sunnies but it’s where we all keep our ducks so I call it a pond. Ok, what am I writing about day one of chemo or how fun driving a jeep is. Both, that’s how my mind works. I don’t feel bad about it, and you ought not to either when your thoughts take you all over the place. One thing is connected to the other and that’s how humans human. In session, I might be telling Craig about chemo then going off about me being different and then talking about ducking jeeps too and he never interrupts me. But, when my thought is done he will guide me back to where I told him I wanted to look. Craig isn’t here blogging with me, but that’s another super cool thing about the kind of facilitation Craig and I do - it’s integrative education and our viewers learn to use the techniques we use with them in session outside of session which is really cool since they have a lot of life to live outside of session. So, I’ll guide myself back to where I wanted to look and share today now that my thought is complete. And, that’s day one of chemo.
Where was I? Penelope in Portland. It was time I could drift off to sleep being woken when I would feel the energy of a nurse working near me, as it was time to check my blood pressure and change the medication. “Last name and date of birth.” every time they give you a new bag. Elias, September 10, 1976 In the next 6 months if you ask me my name don’t be surprised if I say Elias, September 10,1976 - I’m being conditioned. Kind of like when you drive to work on your day off. And, don’t even pretend you’ve never done this. I know for fact I’m not alone. Hey, Elias, September 10, 1976 land this plane in Portland would you?!
Mikey sat at the foot of my bed messaging with his friend JayDee about Turkey tail mushrooms for me and all the other life they share. I love that Mikey has him as a friend. I napped comfortably. Mikey traded places at my bedside with my dear friend Adrienne. As soon as I saw her my energy sparked and I remained awake the rest of the treatment. Adrienne got my snack out that my sweet Kylee packed for me and I ate the whole thing. The treatment was done earlier than expected and I felt good. I have NEVER felt good after medication. I avoid medication at all costs and typically won’t even take a Tylenol until it feels like a cement truck ran my head over 9 times with a full load. I was pretty concerned going in about what the state of me might be with anti nausea medication and Benadryl. Both have never served me. I d told my friends who take Gravol to fly that someone world have to carry me off by my arms and feet or I would be sleeping on that plane for 2 day and I’d have no idea. So, if you still think this Penelope filtering the medications is my insanity …. listen here: for the first time in my entire life I walked with my own two feet and no one holding me up and out of that hospital bed to the jeep and in to my house with zero side effects. I then made a honey, lemon, ginger, alkaline water tea mix for myself, Kylee picked up Kalvin from a great day with our friends, and we both took a Power Nap. Kalvin was pooped, and I just thought it was a good idea for me. After my nap, I went with Adrienne and got a Starbucks and walked through her favourite local shops and talked. My feet felt a little tingly and wanted to move. The moving seemed to take care of the tingling and felt great! Adrienne dropped me off back at home and my crew made dinner then they watched a movie and I watched the inside of my eyelids. I’m coming to you at 6 am on Friday morning and the worst of the symptoms I’ve had are three little pangs like you get before you’re going to have explosive diarrhea but I just talk to them and they go away, with no diarrhea and some dryness in my eyes which encourages me to drink more and I put some of the soothing tears from my Optometrist Abby in and voila - I’m me!
Keep all the love, positive vibes, prayers, healing light, energy and whatever else you want to share with me- I can feel it all and, I love you! Thanks for being here, with me! Giant hugs! xox
